July 29, 2021

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Emotional Intelligence as a buffer in couples’ conflicts


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Arguments or conflicts are part of people’s daily lives and arise as a result of the difference in ideas, beliefs or points of view, something very normal, since everyone has different ways of thinking.

As explained to La Perla del Sur, the clinical psychologist, Dr. Xotchyl Lanyz De Jesús from the non-profit organization Familias CAPACES, Inc., “scientists confirm that the problem arises when these conflicts cannot be resolved, they become rigid and they are transformed into repetitive and dysfunctional behavioral patterns ”.

Couples are no exception when it comes to conflict. “As much as our partner is compatible with us in terms of tastes, ideas and beliefs, at some point they will have a different point of view and conflict will arise. The important thing is that these thoughts and points of view do not become rigid and repetitive patterns. Since this causes a deterioration in the couple’s relationship and can lead to violence and dysfunction ”, said the specialist.

According to Dr. De Jesús, emotional intelligence can be a buffering tool in couple’s conflicts due to the difference a person can make by understanding their emotions and those of others.

“The skills of self-control, emotional regulation, empathy and conflict resolution that constitute emotional intelligence open the way to a healthy and lasting relationship,” he said.

For this he gave the example of these times of pandemic, where couples are physically in the same place for a long time of the day. “In some, this physical closeness causes the loss of time alone and this can cause stress for the individual. This stress grows as you add to the situation economic factors, children at home, among others. Then they begin to look at the details of the day to day that were not as visible before as the division of household tasks, and the discussions increase, “he mentioned.

“A high emotional intelligence in the individual causes him to have self-control and know how to solve the conflicts that are presented to him in an assertive way. Knowing yourself and knowing your emotions helps you understand the emotions of the other, this makes you emotionally intelligent and successful in your relationship, ”explained Dr. De Jesús.

In the same way, he mentioned that “if we get rigid in our point of view and do not give our arm to twist the conflict, it will not be solved, while, if we seek to resolve it taking into account our own emotions and those of the other, the conflict will be resolved. dissolves. The resolution of conflicts will generate satisfaction and pleasure since in this way they manage to build communication spaces that reestablish the bond and strengthen intimacy, ”he said.

To increase emotional intelligence in the couple, the clinical psychologist offered the following advice:

  1. Learn to recognize your emotions. Give yourself the space to know anger, sadness, fear and joy. Ask yourself when and how intense you feel these emotions and use that information to act.
  2. Listen to your partner. Really listen to him and allow him the space to express himself. Try to carry out, even one of your requests a day.
  3. Be flexible in the face of change. Being rigid will not help you in your relationship, try new things and work the changes that arise.
  4. Resist the urge to act on an impulse. Think and breathe before you act. He is emotionally intelligent who controls his emotions and his emotions do not control him.
  5. Think positive. Being optimistic will make you see the good that the other person has instead of looking at negative actions as something that defines him. This will help you get a positive outlook on the other person and avoid assuming the negative.

If you need help, guidance or more information on this topic, you can contact Familias CAPACES at 787-708-9093.

Similarly, any person or non-profit entity in the southern region that needs support in matters of family, interpersonal and community relations, can also contact this number or write to [email protected] These services for the people of southern Puerto Rico are sponsored by Fundación Serrallés with the collaboration of the Puerto Rico Community Foundation.



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